We Went Home

When we arrived back in Sydney we stayed in a lovely bed and Breakfast in Edgecliff Road, Bondi Junction. My husband had stayed there when he first arrived in Australia. My friend K came around almost straight away and then my sister. We soon rented a flat in Randwick, to move in within the next few weeks. After that we excitedly hopped on a train up to my parents farm.

We were met at the station by my brother D and my cousin R and mum and dad. Dad was very happy and squeezed me really hard. Mum cried. After that we stayed for several days, catching up and introducing D to my aunt E and uncle P. Mum’s other brother and his wife were on holiday in the UK. Everything went very well except dad kept telling me off for leaving D out of things. Pot calling kettle black I thought!

I booked in to see my Professor at the Royal Women’s Hospital Paddington at the Ante Natal Clinic. He was a bit concerned about the Campylobactor and my blood pressure was a bit high so he booked me into the clinic weekly. Meantime I caught up with my friends, and D went out a lot with his Pentecostal church friends. We started going to an Anglican Church a short walk away. At the weekends we walked in Centennial Park, always the same route. Other weekends we caught the train up to the farm.

D started back at his old job with IBM though he was warned the job was only for six months as they were relocating to another area and would no longer need unskilled workers to enter data. It was becoming an increasingly highly skilled field to work in and I encouraged him to get some extra training, to no avail.

Mid August at my checkup I was told I had dangerously high blood pressure, Pre Eclampsia in fact. They let me go home to collect some things and told me to come in on Monday for bed rest. That weekend my parents made a very rare trip down to Sydney to see us and also my sister. Mum saw straight away what was going on, I had retained so much fluid that it was obvious to her. She was smiling and seemed okay with us but when we went over to my sisters with her she took my sister aside and was very worried.

I had bought myself a dressing gown from a shop in Bondi Junction on the Friday afternoon as I did not have a decent lightweight one to fit me, being eight months pregnant. D was furious with me for taking money out of the account. I had no money of my own and had to rely on money I saved from the housekeeping. He was very strict with the money. It was his, not ours and with the Pre Eclampsia I could not work.

Once I settled into the hospital I stayed stable, though the swelling became worse. D would visit me every evening after work and we would play scrabble with the board he had brought in. We also played cards. The other ladies were bemused as we were the only ones that played games. It was a good way to pass the time and did not require a lot of conversation.

There was a lovely lady across from me whose last baby had died in utero and had to be delivered. She was on bed rest for most of this pregnancy. My friend A from school who visited me every few days got on very well with everyone. She would chat to everyone and knew their medical histories and why they were there. I was so proud of her.

My parents never came down, they rang every evening and I started to get frustrated because I was supposed to be bright and cheery and keep mum on an even keel. But I was the patient! After about three weeks when they rang the lady opposite grabbed the phone and told them I was not very well and needed my parents support. Nothing changed.

One morning, after a very bad night the staff said my blood pressure was just too high. They arranged an enema and I was very dizzy and for some reason the liquid from the enema ran out all over the floor and I fell over, nobody noticed so I managed to get off the floor and I cleaned up the mess with a towel. Then I cleaned myself and rang my husband and A who arranged to come over after she finished her shift at POWCH. She was also a maternity nurse and had been involved in lots of births so I was happy she would be there as my support person. Especially since my husband was a little squeamish and not much involved in the antenatal care etc.

I was transferred down to the maternity delivery area and very quickly induced by my waters being broken with something I described as a knitting needle being shoved up my vagina. And I love knitting. In fact I was totally obsessed with knitting back then! A told later that it was more like a crochet hook!

All the nurses who worked with my friend, I had got to know very well over lunches in their staff room, had agreed with her that nothing would be happening as it was a first birth and was going to take a while. She did not make it in time because unfortunately when they put the drip in which causes the contractions I think someone must have sped it up by accident. It was going very fast. Within thirty minutes I had horrid backache. Was not dilated enough though so the nurses and Prof and Dr took off. It was an unusual day with a high volume of births. There were women in the corridors giving birth.

I had trouble with my bowels, poo came out repeatedly with contractions, my husband was horrified and kept going on about it. I was crying and saying it was happening again. And again. The lovely nurses reassured me it was fine and cleaned me up. An hour or so later our son was born. And almost strangled to death. The only help we had was early on. After I was given gas (which did not agree with me) and then an injection, the only person to help us was a young med student who had never witnessed a birth before. Luckily he was there and he managed to hold onto our son as my husband ran to get help.

They managed to get his cord from around his neck. It was very hard to hold for so long without pushing. His head was literally out and I had to stop pushing. Not sure how I did it but I was so exhausted that I could not grasp him afterward. I was dazed and very very dizzy. Nobody checked my blood pressure then. My sister arrived swiftly followed by A who was disappointed and concerned at how rapid the birth had been. Three and a half hours is too rapid for a first birth.

Meantime I was cleaned up and examined by a lovely male midwife, who said I had not torn but had deep deep scratches all the way down my vagina. He said they were going to sting, badly. He then became concerned that I could not void, so a catheter was inserted. I was then transferred down to a ward with other new mothers and within a few hours my parents had come down, very very excited. Their first grandchild. Dad was stunned that D was there for the delivery and he kept asking me if I was all right.

I had a few issues, mostly with trying to get out of chairs. My legs would not let me get up unless I held onto something to pull myself up so I mostly laid down or stood or walked.

After a few days we were discharged and we went home, on our first wedding anniversary.

 

 

 

The Volcano Man

We settled back into life in Beckenham. Work as a nanny for me and also sewing and repairs at weekends. and sleeping in and lazing around for D. Miyoko stayed with us and went sightseeing and studying church matters. One day Sue phoned in the morning and finding me about to walk to work as was my usual way, furiously told D to get out of bed and take me in the car.

It was getting much colder and I only had a few warm outfits, having only brought one suitcase over with me to the UK. Mum had knitted me a beautiful black mohair coat which she gave to be before the wedding, and I had two coats. I had knitted us both several sweaters and also my nephews sweaters but had no warm woollen skirts or boots. My wages went on food and utilities, Sue paid for the rent. I was not at all happy about that.

After several weeks back from our honeymoon I started to get bad asthma attacks. They were especially bad at night, worsened by my sleeping by the window D insisted on keeping open. D called the church and a prayer team came out to pray for me one weekend when I was in bed exhausted from trying to breathe during the night. I was really upset as the men left the room and the women proceeded to commiserate about the shock that the physical side of marriage was. They tried to get me to confess that I could not cope with the sexual side of marriage but I was not going to do that. I was exhausted from working hard and trying to adjust to a new climate where I constantly had a bad cold or virus. As did the children I looked after.

I was fine in the daytime in a warm house and luckily had plenty of warm outer clothes for taking R to preschool and A for walks in his stroller. R was becoming more independent, choosing his own outfits for the day and A was just a delightful little toddler. One day D and I took them into Bromley to W H Smiths where David Attenborough was signing his new book. We queued and as we approached R saw who it was and said in an awed voice that it was The Volcano Man! David Attenborough was beyond delightful with the children and signed several of D’s older books too. It was a wonderful experience and one we would never forget.

Meantime I decided science was my best bet for getting better and luckily the GP practise Sue went to thought so as well. They ran a battery of blood tests and one day I received a letter in the mail asking me to come in as soon as possible. When I returned from the very knowledgeable and most senior doctor I informed D that I had a medical problem causing nearly all my symptoms. Hypothyroidism, which was found to be severe Hashimotos. I started the medication and was told that I would not feel so cold soon and that I would even notice an improvement in my periods.

By then it was almost Christmas and I was not feeling any better. So much so that A and T my employers suggested I take Wednesday’s off to rest. The boy’s godmother was more than happy to be with them one day a week and have some extra money too. This worked well apart from the loss of wages. D’s response was to ask his mother for more money. I was so uncomfortable with this, it was against everything I had ever done in my life. I never asked for anything. It was a principle of mine. Deeply ingrained in me by my parents without even knowing it. Seeing them both work so hard to make a life as migrants had a huge impact on me.

I was beginning to feel like the poor relation, especially when my sister in law came over to visit, usually on a Wednesday when I had a sleep in, and looked at everything in our flat to see what we were spending money on. She queried my hand creams, mostly gifts, and anything she saw that did not fit with her idea of Christian values. She used soap and water on her face. As I used eye makeup I needed makeup remover. Another wasteful item apparently.

Just before Christmas we decided to invite a few people from church with no family around for Christmas Eve drinks. We had bought the snacks and D always had a supply of beer and wine. Miyoko helped me clean and tidy the flat on the Wednesday so it was looking very welcoming. It had a huge lounge dining room with a sunroom attached. D had a table in there which he used as a desk for his writing. He was writing another book, having had trouble writing poetry that year.

I was at work til fairly late on Christmas Eve as A was preparing her staff for the Boxing Day Sales. The children were also very excited and happy, I was having a fabulous time with them as everyone was unexpectedly friendly when out on our walks. The spirit of the season really being in evidence. Eventually A came home and D picked me up in our car. When I entered our flat I was stunned to see that everything was ready for the get together.

All our lovely wedding gifts being used as platters and for the wine etc. Some things we had never used before. I almost burst into tears. I had really really wanted us all to do it together. Our first Christmas together, in our home, even if Sue was paying for it. I threw my things on a chair and went into our bedroom and cried. D came in and was really angry with me. Or hurt with me would be a better way to put it. It was as if I had hit him. He said they did it to help me as I was working. And that I had not appreciated it was practically sinful.

I was feeling a bit unwell in the tummy. I had recently nursed my boys through Campylobactor, a notifiable food poisoning. A had been dreadfully upset leaving them but when she saw R crawl into my arms and me rock him she left, crying. She said later that my skills kept them out of hospital. I had to keep fluids up to them as the risk of dehydration was so high. So I was appreciative of the thought but could not get through to D how I felt. He was so hurt. Betrayed.

Miyoko ran me a bath using some lovely bubble bath from Marks and Spencer’s and said she was so sorry. Two words was all it took. I hugged her and cried. She said “please Kate, you know if you cry I will lose it. I love you and hate to see you cry.” So I controlled myself, she had seen me weep bitterly after my father refused to come to the wedding. I had asked him twice and then got the message, but Miyoko was devastated as she knew it took a lot to make me cry.

I dressed and our guests came and we had a lovely time spoiling them, of course D invited his sister and brother in law and there was a lot of golly and gosh and other strange English words going on. Sue did not come as was disgusted with us for not keeping Christmas to family. What she refused to accept was that my family was the other side of the world, and these frigid strangers were not my family, and never would be.

Once the guests had left to go to other parties Miyoko and I washed and tidied up. We went to our rooms, D was in his office / sunroom so I changed and went to bed. After a while I started vomiting, then had shocking stomach pains. It lasted through the entire night. By the morning it was so bad D called our GP who came straight around and gave me an injection. He requested stool samples and said it was likely to be what the boys had been through. It would take time, and a quite a while to recover.

D went off to morning service with Miyoko and then asked if I would be okay while they went to lunch at his sister’s house. I was so ill I had no fight left in me so I said fine. Enjoy. When they left I was very distressed. Our first Christmas together, a huge fight on Christmas Eve with a husband who seemed to have no empathy at all and then I was left alone, proving that, in a strange country, on Christmas Day. I think I was too hurt and sick to cry. I was constantly on the toilet, though the cramps had eased with the medication the doctor had given me.

They came back around five and wanted to open their presents. I was in no state to do the same but was happy for them. I had knitted woollen leg warmers for Miyoko and a lovely jacket style cardigan for D. They were very happy with them though Miyoko showed me one of the leg warmers was longer than the other! I was mortified until we both started laughing. Me holding my stomach as I did so. I promised her I would fix it.

Over the next weeks D and Miyoko were home a lot more as all the church activities they had been attending were closed for the season. They were constantly at rally’s in London or locally. Miyoko showing real signs of a solid future in the church, D still saying he wanted one but not actively showing to any clergy that he was doing what needed doing to achieve that. I had actually had a meeting with our Vicar Clive as I felt terrible that I resented D being out so much when I was working so hard to put food on the table. He said it was not right and that David needed to support me more.

New Year’s Eve Miyoko braved Trafalgar Square. D stayed home and we watched it on television. I had been unable to keep any food inside me so was feeling weak and existing on special yogurt with live bacteria in it. Sue always went away over New Year with widowed friends. They generally chatted and drank for three days, great fun for them. D went over regularly to look after her dog and her pot plants.

Early in the New Year I went back to work and received confirmation it was Campylobactor, and would take some time to leave my system. The outbreak had been traced to birds pecking through the foil tops of milk bottles. I still could not keep anything in so was told to go onto thin soups, creamed rice and milky products. This went on for many weeks until I was finally able to tolerate more solid food.

Miyoko left us to go home to Japan. I was very upset seeing here walk through the gate at Heathrow, having an awful feeling I would not see her again. She carried an enormous sound system, and her guitar. When we next saw Anne all she could talk about was how bizarre it was for us to have a houseguest so soon in our marriage and how it would be much better for us now.

Around the same time I realised I had missed my period. Then another one. So we bought a pregnancy kit from the chemist and it was positive. D was excited but his mother was very vocal against it. Saying we had nothing to offer a baby. Anne was excited, saying God would provide. My employers said a baby would be good company for their little one once R was at school.

The GP confirmed my pregnancy and arranged for me to go to Ante Natal Care, especially important due to my Hashimotos being newly diagnosed. Everything went well though I was becoming more and more miserable with the cold and damp and D’s family. Sue kept telling me to stop talking about home. That this was home now, and she never allowed me to talk about my family or friends as that would unsettle me too. Stiff upper lip, the way she had got through the war as an Army nurse in Cairo. She had lost her first husband just after the war and though I very much admired her fortitude I found her attitude very inflexible.

D and I talked and he suggested he migrate to Australia. My parents would be his sponsors and he was sure he could get his old job as a computer data analyst with IBM back. I hoped so, though I had been shocked when I first came over to the UK to find he was not a computer programmer as he had said, he was untrained in fact and had been offered the job due to a friend from church.

We arranged Visas, went up to Australia House in The Strand and before too long he was accepted and we informed our families. Sue was actually happy, she said she thought Australia suited him better than the UK. Whereas I thought being away from his family was the best thing for him. It might help him grow up, he was like a big kid around them. Fun for a while but it got trying being pitied by everyone.

I started bleeding and was advised to have bed rest, and after two weeks I resigned as I still had no stamina due to the Hashimotos and the food poisoning. My employers wished me well but were not happy, especially since neither of them liked D. Though they were happy I was going home.

We visited D’s aunts and Sue’s many friends to say goodbye and finally we had packed everything and shipped our wedding gifts and some of D’s paintings and books to Australia. Then it was finally time to leave. Sue and Anne saw us off at Heathrow, I felt terrible seeing the real love and pain in their eyes, but we had our own lives to live, we had to make our own way together, or I would never be able to respect my husband.

 

 

 

 

A Sign Of Things To Come

After the service and photographs and reception we were finally able to think about getting ready to leave for our honeymoon. I changed in the not so glamorous toilets of the church hall. When I came out I gave the pearls back to Aunt Dot and saw the way she was eyeing my corset. I did not have to complete my question of whether she would like it or not! She grabbed it and held it to her, beaming.

I had changed into a sweater and a warm skirt and D into a sweater I had knitted him and jeans ready for the colder weather up north. I hugged mum and my grandparents and my flower girls and got into our little Morris Minor which had lots of beer cans tied to the front. And the usual ‘Just Married’ sign attached to them. We were excited to get away and needed to go before it was too late as we were aiming to stay in Nottinghamshire for the night.

Once we found the road north we took the signs etc off as we were being pursued by drivers who were actually holding tins of beer and drinking to help us celebrate. Total strangers. One guy in a Mercedes stayed with us a long way then waved goodbye. By then we were quite relaxed and chatty. Or I was. D rarely spoke unless it was about cricket or church matters, or his favourite topic, the Bible. We had not seen each other since the rehearsal and when I had seen him he was so stressed he almost knocked me over a few times. Being 6’5” to my 5’3” I had to be careful not to be underfoot.

We were very late, we were tired and almost went into a hotel in Peterborough but I encouraged D to try to get to The Blue Barn Farm where we were booked for the night. This was easier said than done though as it was very hard to navigate the empty dark lanes by night. As we were driving down yet another lane I suddenly had a flood of memory, triggered by the smell of the place. We needed to be near Mansfield, and we had been there when I was young, well before we migrated to Australia. It was incredible but I knew we were near by the smell, so reminiscent of my childhood.

Before too long we found the farmhouse. The proprietor had left the door unlocked for us so we sneaked upstairs, giggling, feeling like burglars. We knew it was a working farm and did not want to wake the farmer who had to rise early. After looking around we found an open bedroom door with twin beds. We could not find any other rooms with open doors so settled there for what remained of the night.

We woke early and made love on one of the single beds, and D made me laugh as he put my off white woollen coat on to go get a shower. Looked really freaky in it. I then went to get my shower and we went down to breakfast together. There was a fabulous spread and June the proprietor made us a full English breakfast. By then the room had emptied and she congratulated us and said she wished she had known beforehand as she would have given us a bigger room with a double bed. D asked her how she knew and she said as soon as we walked in it was obvious.

After that we headed north for Berwick in Northumberland. D had booked a cottage for three weeks. It had a lovely open fireplace which was needed as it was icy upstairs in the bedrooms. As it was so cold we made love in front of the fireplace quite often D seemed hypnotised by the flames and was often very loving and turned on when we were sitting in front of it.

From Berwick we visited Bamburgh Castle and Lindisfarne, where we had to drive across a causeway. I loved Lindisfarne, also known as Holy Island. We bought some gorgeous pottery from there and some prints to frame. I was entranced by the ancient weapons and by the formal and informal rooms inside the castles we visited in Nothumberland. We walked for miles through farmland to see ruins. I felt I could actually almost feel the spirits of the dead in those places. It was eerie.

The only issue I had, well two issues, were that D could walk for days on end, I was not able to do that due to my migraines. And a very personal issue, one that I had not thought of and wished that I had someone to talk to about it before the honeymoon. Everyone knew that honeymoons were a time to relax and enjoy each other but I was sore and constantly draining semen from the sheer frequency with which D made love to me. He was relentless and I could not have a bath several times a day. I did not think to wear pads or pantyliners. My undies were always sopping wet and I had irritation when peeing. I was actually really glad when my period arrived, and that is saying something as it was never a pleasant experience.

So my period and my birthday arrived around the same time. We were still in Berwick then. D bought me a pretty garnet pendant and earring set which I had seen in a jewellers in Bromley. It was lovely and the first jewellery apart from the ruby engagement ring he had given me. He also gave me lots of hand creams and talcum powder sets from Marks and Spencer’s. And my absolute favourite fudge, Cadbury’s fingers of fudge. I phoned mum in Chalfont St Peter as I knew she would want to wish me happy birthday. She started crying after a while and said she was going home. She was not going to wait til we got back so I could have time with her. I did my usual pacifying of her and saying it was okay but I was devastated. Mum and I had only had two short visits together. The day of the wedding, and when we saw her at the airport when she arrived, before she was taken home with my aunt.

A few days after that we drove up to the Scottish Highlands and stayed in a lovely bed and breakfast on the edge of a lake. With only a road between us. We also visited Loch Ness and Edinburgh, which I really loved. Then we headed back to Berwick where we were finding the cold in the cottage an issue and so we decided we wanted to get back and start our lives together. I had to go to work and wanted a few days in our new flat which Sue had rented for us while we were away. We had found a house to rent at a reasonable rate however D had a row of some kind with the owner who went to his sister’s church. So up until the wedding we had not known
whether we would be moving in with Sue when we got back or not.

When we arrived back D’s family thought us crazy to come back a few days early, and let us know it. We also discovered that Sue had opened our wedding photos and gone through them. She appeared baffled that I was surprised she would open something addressed to me. And actually said that I could not expect her to wait, surely?

I went upstairs and left D to go through them with her, I had wanted to look through them with my husband, and then with family. Seeing my mum in the photos without her being here was too difficult for me. The only fun thing about being there was that Miyoko had stayed there to keep Sue company after Jean left. It was lovely to see her again. She said however that it had been difficult, that Sue was very biased about the Japanese because of the war. And she made it quite clear to Miyoko. I was horrified, but it was a sign of things to come.

 

I Walked On, Into My New Life

I was woken by Sue around eight the morning of the wedding. She brought a mug of tea up which still had the tea bag in the bottom of it. We all had a busy day ahead of us, especially Sue and Aunt Jean who were preparing a buffet for my Grandparents and Aunts Uncles and cousins when they arrived later that day.

My grandparents had arrived and were staying with Aunt P and mum in her huge home in Chalfont St Peter, whereas my aunt and family were driving all the way from Lincolnshire that morning. My future mother in law was looking forward to meeting them all when they came over before the wedding.

Miyoko arrived and we chatted upstairs. I did not say anything to her about her Maid Of Honour dress. I had decided the best way to deal with it was to ignore it. So I did. I had no intention of battling thousands of shoppers to look for something hideous when we had a stylish outfit already.

My mum and grandparents arrived with my aunt P and uncle P and their son and his girlfriend. Everyone was very excited, they had worn their wedding outfits as did not have far to travel. Finally aunt Dot and family arrived from Lincolnshire. A four plus hour drive. They had their clothes in garment bags. I had sent three velvet dresses from Marks and Spencers so the girls could get their right size. Dot had bought them white satin ballet slippers which was a stroke of brilliance. The girls were so proud and happy. As was I of them. I had babysat them as toddlers and now here they were, my flower girls.

We had a light lunch from the buffet my soon to be mother in law and aunt provided. My grandma chatting away to Sue and Jean animatedly. Not bad for a late eighty plus woman. I was so proud of her. And grandad, well he walked around beaming his head off. Inspecting the antiques and nodding at everyone. He had a huge cigar tucked in his pocket for after the wedding.

I had seldom felt such excitement, such joy in the air for me. Everyone was smiling and chatting and delighted that the day had come when I would finally be tied down! If I was not so terrified I would have been really happy for them all.

Then at some stage of the early afternoon their joy, their delight, their happiness somehow transmuted itself to me and I did feel calm. And fully committed to making a go of this marriage.

We took a lot of photos in the garden before we changed clothes then I went upstairs with mum and my aunts and Miyoko and started to change. My dress was almost off the shoulder so I had bought a french lace corset with suspenders attached so I needed a lot of help getting into that. It was very sexy, beautiful lace at the top but a smooth body so as not to show through the silk fabric. D practically put her foot on my back to get me into it. I was laughing hysterically so was Miyoko which did not help matters. Finally I smoothed on the white stockings and stepped into my sixteen centimetre white pumps. Then the dress slithered over the top. Some adjustment of neckline, sleeves and belt and then only makeup and hair to be done. Aunt Dot said you cannot have a bare neck Kate and she just happened to have a spare rope of pearls for me to wear. So that was my something old and borrowed. Mum tucked a blue embroidered hankie into my corset so that was the blue. The new was any number of things I had on!

Everyone oohed and ahhed and said that I surely did not make that dress. Had to be next to impossible. I smiled and flounced and spun to showcase the metres and metres of lace on the hem. I had wanted it to be just above the ankle and it was perfect.

As was Miyoko’s, her dress a perfect contrast to the deep ruby velvet of the flower girl’s dresses. Also different in texture and shape. We thought it all stunning and might even start a trend in toning rather than matching wedding clothing.

Not only did the dresses contrast we were thrilled when the fresh posies for the mothers and the girls and Miyoko and my flower bouquets arrived in the early afternoon. They were spectacular. The red roses in ours could not have been an deeper, the white any brighter. The event company had done a magnificent job.

My hair was easy, I had washed it and blowdried it, all I had to do was apply makeup and put the fairy type headpiece on my hair. And secure it. The girls were ready to go. My aunt D was so stunning in peach silk with a feathered fascinator. We had always gone shopping together, I knew she would be magnificent and she was. She was putting her makeup on and she turned to mum and said you do not have to worry about Kate Pat, she has done very well for herself. D is well brought up. Not like us, we were dragged up, not brought up.

Mum wore a gorgeous powder blue silk chiffon dress and never had a smile off her face the whole time. She kissed me once and said it was the happiest day of her life. That she thought that I would be turned off marriage forever by her’s and dad’s example. I just hugged her tight.

Sue wore a midnight blue lace dress she had worn to her daughter’s wedding about eight years previously. It was beautiful though I found it a bit odd she did not get a new dress. She somehow managed to get changed into it, her large room had been converted to a dressing room for my family.

Then it was time for everyone to leave, except grandad and I. Our white Rolls Royce arrived, looking every bit the luxury wedding vehicle I had seen in magazines. Grandad very carefully helped me into the car, then seated himself. On the way he turned to me and said it was the proudest moment of his entire life. To see me marry, and into such a good family. The few neighbours who were not invited to the wedding stood and gave us an honour guard. Grandad said he felt like royalty.

We arrived at the church, people were being ushered inside and the bridal party was waiting outside. Grandad helped me out of the car. Made sure my dress was in position. Held out his arm and beamed at me. Said come on my beauty (booty) Lincolnshire style and we followed my future nephews in their navy sailor suits. My cousins in their ruby red dresses. And Miyoko looking so beautiful and exotic in her plummish red dress and super high heeled white pumps.

The vicar greeted us at the door and Grandad and I and the party turned around once at the door to look out at the world and the car and we then stepped onto the red carpet to the sound of everyone standing up, beaming with joy. I could see my precious boys with their dad T at the back of the few people I had on my side of the church. As I walked past I turned and beamed at them and all my lovely relatives who had made such an effort to help mum and I on my special day. I walked on, with Grandad, into my new life,

 

 

 

What Had I Gotten Myself Into?

I arrived at Heathrow on a sunny Sunday in spring and though smelly and jet lagged was taken to D’s sister’s church. Very friendly bunch and his sister and brother in law hugged me. I then went back to meet and stay with his mum Sue. Who was quite the handful. Very sociable. Very talkative. Very surprised that I did not have the usual Australian accent. Staying with her was her sister in law Jean who was visiting from Adelaide. She was a lot of fun and after a bath I crashed in a single bedroom next to Sue’s room. It was a full house.

Within two weeks we caught the train and ferry to Northern Ireland to visit D’s best friend Ian, only friend really, in Belfast. He was a Church of Ireland Vicar. His wife Gail was lovely. They took us out and about, showed us The Falls Road and we were shocked to be approaching bridges to find them suddenly being secured by the military. Ian had severe asthma and went into a full blown attack one time when this happened. Gail was very good with him but she was having serious and distressing issues with miscarriage after miscarriage.

After a week we caught a train down to county Mayo and hitch hiked from there to my grannie’s place in Geesala. We caught lifts with three cars, the last one dropping us off in the village. People started calling out hello Kate as we went by! When we got to grannie Kate she was waiting at the gate, the second driver had phoned the pub ahead and word had gone out that T’s daughter was over from Australia. With an Englishman.

Staying there was an utter delight. My uncle John and grannie Kate welcomed us as if it was my home. D endeared himself to grannie by cooking her a full English breakfast the next morning. He then excused himself to go climb the nearest mountain and sleep out for a few days.

I had so much fun. Was so spoiled. So beloved. Thrilled to be with my grannie again. Talking about world events. Family. Faith. Nothing was off the table. I slept in her spare bed in her room and listened to her talk to God before she went to sleep every night. Totally freestyle, no Hail Mary’s etc.

Eventually D returned from his mountain and Grannie gave him her blessing, even though he wanted to become a Church of England Vicar! She said dad could not critique as he rarely went to mass, he did not fool her when he came over and pretended he was used to the mass. She cooked a leg of lamb and roast potatoes etc. We had many cups of tea from the kettle in the hearth and toast browned there with the long fork. Her homemade butter was even better than I remembered.

We decided to hitch hike north and managed with only three lifts. The last one in a Mercedes with a businessman who seemed a bit surprised that I was with D. He had been talking on a level D did not seem to grasp, or did not want to. I was not flirting, however I held my own in the conversation.

Once we reached Belfast safely we stayed a few more days, did a bit more sightseeing then caught the ferry and bus back to London and then Kent. When we arrived back Sue and Jean had left for their holiday. D prepared a special meal and formally asked me to marry him. I accepted and we lay on the floor and started to kiss and cuddle. This went on for some time until I stroked his penis through his trousers. He cried out, loudly. I asked him if he wanted to go upstairs. We went up and made love on one of the single beds in his room.

The next day we decided to put the mattresses together on the floor and made love there and he really liked us to make love on the sofa downstairs with the curtains open for anyone to see. We seemed to have no inhibitions. I wore dresses so it was easy to take my knickers off the minute we got inside the house. I threw them off on the way through and straddled him as he sat on the sofa. The dress came off and the bra and I really went for it. He loved me to be on top and I loved the feeling of being filled so deeply and having control. I climaxed far more than I ever had in the past.

His sister popped over one day while we were out and must have seen the mattresses because she left us some church tracts on being celibate until we married. She also left the name of a GP to get the pill from. I was astounded and pissed off. D was confused and guilt ridden. He thought what we were doing was sinful. I however thought it was the closest I had ever been to him, especially as he was so different in his home country. Distant and cold and nasty at times.

He put the mattresses back as his mum and aunt were returning soon and he visited me in my room which I found really difficult. I am a little loud when I come and a few times I climaxed so hard I almost screamed. She would have heard everything. He seemed to like that idea, made it more exciting for him. Not for me though so I asked him to wait until the house was empty. We were almost caught once. I was straddling him on the sofa. He was attached to my breast and I heard a giggle and a voice saying it’s just auntie, I forgot something. She was so much fun.

I went north to see my mum’s family and D decided to go down to Cornwall where he had stayed many times in the past. The journey to Lincolnshire was a long convoluted one. An intercity train to Grantham and then a coach to Skegness. Then a bus through Mablethorpe to Sutton On Sea. My grandparents were great fun and excited that they were going to be coming to my wedding. Grandad was going to give me away. My young cousins were so excited about being my bridesmaids. Grandma said for the first time that finally I would not be travelling the world and the UK by myself. That it had always worried her for my safety. My aunt D said at least this time I was marrying the man I was with in England. She said that every time I came over I had a different man in tow. I said that is funny cause mum brought me up on stories of all your boyfriends. She laughed wickedly. I really loved her, she was so attractive, a hairdresser, tall and very glamorous.

After a few weeks I returned to Kent and started a nanny job in the same town, Beckenham. Interestingly our lovely Vicar in Sydney originally came from there. My employers were a fashion buyer for Debenham’s in Bromley and the fish buyer for Marks and Spencer’s. They had a very clever boy at pre school and a gorgeous toddler. They lived in a three story townhouse, it really kept me fit.

One problem that surfaced then was that the father really disliked D. Especially since D had shown no real inclination to get a full time job. He spent most of the summer smoking cigars in his mother’s garden and doing some gardening jobs. The positions he applied for always seemed to interfere with his weekend requirements of going to church etc.

We went ahead with the wedding, planning it for late September. By then we had found a church we liked and were involved in Pastoral Care there. Or I was. I was so busy with work and the church that I employed a wedding event management team. It made everything really easy for me. I just had to buy the bridesmaids dresses and my future sister in law was buying the sailor suits for her two mischievous boys. We were also expecting my Japanese friend Miyoko to arrive just before the wedding from Sydney. She would be looking after my lovely boys while we were on honeymoon.

My mother’s favourite sister P lived only fifty minutes or so away by car so we often visited her. Sophisticated, cultured and incredibly warm, she welcomed D into the family and was very excited that mum would be staying with her until we returned from our honeymoon and then for some time afterwards. Her two boys were grown up now, I had a lot of fun with them in 1975 when I visited the UK and they were excited that they were coming to my wedding.

I met D’s aunt and uncle in Sevenoaks Kent several times. The second time was after we became engaged. His aunt was a top nursing sister. When I was helping her with the washing up she pulled me outside into the scullery and asked me if I knew what I was getting myself into. I assumed she meant his family. They seemed to be very controlling and ridiculed him a lot. So I said yes and I thought it would be okay. She frowned at me but said she hoped I knew what I was doing.

D endeared himself to everyone, it seemed effortless. Always friendly, charming, gentle and kind. Except at times to me. There was one occasion where I actually walked out of his sisters and started to walk back to his mum’s. Late at night. His sister and brother in law had been having a barbecue and D got quite drunk. At some stage he started saying I liked him to go deep. Right up to the hilt was what I had said and he repeated, like an obscenity. I had said it to him. In a passionate moment. Not to be shared with religious bigots. S actually laughed but I was furious. And I left.

After that he said God did not want us to have sex again until after we married, that we were sinning and needed to confess. I thought that was a load of rubbish but went along with it. He became quite distant again, sarcastic at times. Miyoko arrived from Sydney and stayed with his sister. She came over a lot and learned where R went to school and the routine I had with the boys. Mum arrived, so very very excited bless her. It was a huge accomplishment coming all the way from Australia by herself.

Meantime I worked right up to the day before the wedding, we needed the money and it helped take my mind off my doubts, my fear, the awful feeling I had that I was making a big mistake. I also sewed my wedding dress right up to the evening before the wedding. It had so many metres of lace, over twenty, to be carefully gathered and stitched to the white silk. I had a lot of time while sewing to think as well.

The night before the wedding D’s sister had a big party for the friends and family of the groom. My mum was fifty minutes away by car, I had only seen her twice in the two weeks she had been here and I really missed her and my family and friends in Australia. I made an excuse to sew a belt for my dress so I did not have to go. Miyoko was really concerned by then, she had commented that this was not the D we knew in Australia, so she stayed with me. My future mother in law Sue and aunt Jean drank gin and tonics steadily through the evening, and then once Miyoko had gone back to A’s house and I was settled upstairs with a coffee Sue came upstairs and said that the dress Miyoko and I had carefully chosen in London was totally unsuitable. That she could not allow it as it would ruin everything. Miyoko was curvy so Sue brought out a flowered Mui Mui and said she needs something like this. To shut her up I said I would go shopping in the morning. She said wonderful and kissed me. I ran a deep bubble bath and soaked in it, crying my eyes out, wondering what on earth I was doing, what I had gotten myself into.

 

 

 

And I Believed

When I reached home that evening mum told me I had a message from Lynne. I had lost touch with her after I left Potts Point. So I phoned her and arranged to catch up with her soon. She invited me to her place in Drummoyne and I went down the next week. We met up at The Hilton Hotel. It was so good to see her again. We then caught the bus back to her place and she introduced me to her housemate.

That night she was going on a date and asked if I could double date so I called the really nice taxi driver who had dropped me at the station when I left Point Piper. He had just broken up with his girlfriend and had given me his number. We arranged to meet at a pub in Drummoyne, both guys got on really well. We talked politics and books and I drank a fair bit but was aware of what I was doing when I went back to his place and fucked him all night. When I went back to Lynn’s she complained her guy had the smallest penis she had ever come across. I did not have the same issue. I felt totally satiated and felt like I had it written on my face when I returned home the next day. My dad gave me a few very direct looks, though it could have been my imagination, perhaps he thought I looked happier. He did not like to see me hurt.

I knitted my sister a wool tweed sweater in the next few weeks. Shopped with mum and visited neighbours and relatives. Finally it was time to go back down to Sydney as I was booked to have sole charge of M’s friend for the Anzac Day long weekend. This child was very rude in his interactions with his usual nanny, a young University student. I had once told him off for treating her so appallingly, at the traffic lights in Double Bay of all places. I also had a word with her about not letting him disrespect her like that. He told his grandparents who told his parents and they praised me for it. Hence the sole charge undertaking that weekend. A and I got up early on the Sunday and went to the march in the city. I had not been to one since I was a child and was very moved by the older servicemen. We then returned to Double Bay where A’s grandmother let me go early which was fine with me. I phoned Lynne and we met in the city at Centrepoint Tavern. There were a lot of very young servicemen there after the march so we chatted with them and looked at the photos of their wives and girlfriends. Once we had been there several hours Lynne asked if I would like to go to her church in Kings Cross with her. She had asked me many times when I worked with her but I was not free and also I had been an Atheist since I was fifteen.

We made our way to the Anglican Church and I found it very friendly, unusual and at one stage felt as if the Vicar was talking directly to me. I was emotional already from the March, from missing Mark and still pining for G the doctor I had a short affair with. The Vicar was talking about healing, and how God wanted us to be well, to be healed. I did not go up for Holy Communion but I observed everything that went on, it was a very tender moment, with hymns being sung during the Eucharist.

Afterwards we had a very sociable coffee in the church hall and then we went back to Lynne’s for the night. The next day I went back to the farm and prepared to start short term work again with Dial An Angel. I was offered a post with a single father with three boys who attended Cranbrook School. The agency thought it a bit odd though so suggested I take the other option, nanny to a six month old baby boy. His parents were journalists and I would have sole charge with weekends off. This was in Balmain, a totally different, much more bohemian area from where I usually worked.

I arrived and met the gorgeous little boy, and his mum and settled into the gorgeous little stone cabin nestled in a big garden. I had a kind of unofficial grannie flat at the back of the garden. The father was away in Beirut, covering the war for his current affairs programme on television. Once the mum went back to work I settled the baby very quickly into a routine. We had a great time at playgroups and going to the parks. The only real issue I had with the mum was that she was a lot like my old flatmate Judy. She expected the home to be self cleaning. She left paper clips and safety pins all over the floor. I was trying to train her In safety for when the baby started crawling.

I started attending the church Lynne took me to on Sunday evenings, I needed to understand what I had experienced there, see if it was a one off. The parishioners were very friendly and welcoming and easy going. I got to know the aged English Vicar and his lovely wife who I became firm friends with.

Each day the baby and I passed a lot of friendly neighbours who got to know us, invited us in for morning tea. It was a very friendly community. One chap always used to lean over his fence to say hi and ask how the baby was. After a few months I agreed to meet him in the local pub for a drink. No plans for anything but one drink at the pub. My memories of that night are fragmented, and what I remembered was so totally out of character for me that I never told anyone about it.

I remember him ramming his penis down my throat. And I did not do oral sex. I remember it being in his house, or I assumed it was his house. Later I remember him on top of me on the rug, in front of the open front door, fucking me senseless. He asked me if I knew the door was open and what if any of his friends saw us? I said tell them to come in, the more the merrier. He laughed and continued to pound away inside me. I had zero inhibitions, which was not me at all.

I have no idea how I got home, it was only a five minute walk but I have no memory of it. The next day I was unable to get out of bed, luckily it was a Saturday. I could not move my head. I had never ever had a headache like it, I thought I was going to die. I managed to get into the kitchen to get some milk to take some painkillers and I crawled back to bed. Later on I had a shower as I felt filthy and my private areas hurt a lot. I took more painkillers and went back to bed until the next morning. I still could not move my head but was having awful flashes of being used mercilessly. It was not what usually happened, I chose the men I wanted to sleep with, it was mutual satisfaction not degradation. I felt degraded because I would never act in a wanton way like that.

By Monday I was able to look after the baby if I kept to the house. I was very uneasy about walking up the back streets where this man lived. I went to the playgroups instead and took the baby on long walks. I felt so uncomfortable about the security of my cabin as it did not have a lock on the door that I asked if I could move in with Lynne and her housemate. The parents were not happy about it. So I contacted Dial An Angel and explained how unsafe my accomodations were and they immediately suggested I leave and take another position. The single dad in Rose Bay one was still open so I caught a taxi over there.

The job was a very easy one and very civilised. We all had breakfast together and then the dad drove them to school. I tidied up the boys rooms and sewed or read or knitted during the day. I cooked a meal each night for the boys and then the father asked me to join him for dinner later. We had a glass of sherry before dinner, talked about news of the day. I had weekends off so continued to attend the church and even babysat so the mother’s group could have a break from their toddlers.

I was unsure what I believed in. I had definitely had some kind of enlightening moment, to me it was if my unbelief in God was expunged, and I believed again. But in what form of God I truly did not know. However as time went on I became more attracted to the teachings of Jesus and eventually I started helping with Sunday School. Lynne continued to continue her wild ways and was always the rebel, especially at church whereas it was so civilised that I fit into the whole scene very easily.

The work position became complicated when neighbours etc were overheard saying that good on my boss for having his mistress look after his kids. I told him and he thought it was funny. I took the boys up to the farm several times and he was very grateful. He also went away on business a lot, he was incredibly wealthy. There was one incident that really shocked me and that was when the oldest boy mocked the Eucharist. He threw some bread down the kitchen disposal unit and said that is what he thought of the Eucharist and laughed. His father was very annoyed and made him apologise, as a Jew to a Christian.

Towards the end of the year I was offered a room in a church owned house and I decided to finish live in nannying and look for live out nannying or for carer type work. I was picked up and moved into the house by a young chap who had a big crush on me. His whole family were religious and he had done some training overseas with YWAM.

I started doing dressmaking and nannying work and then a medical specialist at church asked if I could look after her elderly dad three days a week. It was wonderful working with an Alzheimer’s patient. I knew absolutely nothing about what to do but instinctively kept him busy cooking and gardening in the morning. Watching talk shows on television and discussing the questions raised with him. After a rest in the early afternoon we would go down to Double Bay for a coffee and a walk. It was rewarding and also fun.

Christmas came and my sister who was supposed to pick me up did not turn up so I was invited to the Curate’s home for Christmas Dinner. I was already a regular there as I babysat the two gorgeous boys so their mum could get out. She was a Social Worker and also counselled parishioners and I loved and respected her so much.

Then on Boxing Day the Vicar asked me around for lunch. There were a lot of people my age including a very quiet English chap who had joined the church a month or so before. The Vicar took the men off to watch the start of the Sydney to Hobart race and us ladies stayed and chatted. I was very fond of the Vicar’s wife, we got on very well and we had some deep talks over washing up!

Over the next weeks this chap and my path crossed a lot. He was very quiet but a prolific prayer person. Very fervent in his attitude to prayer in the church whereas I was embarrassed by any displays of emotion or by any overt Bible bashing. We became friends through church and other get togethers and then one day my friend K who had started coming to stay with me at weekends rang me to tell me he had been in a bad car accident.

He had been jogging with a friend and hit by a car on a crossing and thrown across several lanes of traffic. His back was fractured as was his upper arm. I often visited aged care facilities and sick people in hospital so I popped in to see him. I would take whatever knitting project I was working on at the time and keep him company for a while. Once he was out and starting to recover I was surprised to find Black Magik Chocolates and a dozen red roses were left for me at my flat.

We started to go everywhere together though I was a bit baffled by his timidity at taking the relationship any further, especially as we spent a few hours together each day. Then he had to return to the UK as his work visa expired. We had been to The Blue Mountains for the day and then on to a meeting that night when we went for a meal and he asked me if there was any way I would consider going to the UK to work and live. And a lot of other stuff about hoping I felt the same way about him as he did me. He returned to the UK and about a month later I flew over, after a huge row with my father who insisted he migrate over here instead of me going over there.