And I Believed

When I reached home that evening mum told me I had a message from Lynne. I had lost touch with her after I left Potts Point. So I phoned her and arranged to catch up with her soon. She invited me to her place in Drummoyne and I went down the next week. We met up at The Hilton Hotel. It was so good to see her again. We then caught the bus back to her place and she introduced me to her housemate.

That night she was going on a date and asked if I could double date so I called the really nice taxi driver who had dropped me at the station when I left Point Piper. He had just broken up with his girlfriend and had given me his number. We arranged to meet at a pub in Drummoyne, both guys got on really well. We talked politics and books and I drank a fair bit but was aware of what I was doing when I went back to his place and fucked him all night. When I went back to Lynn’s she complained her guy had the smallest penis she had ever come across. I did not have the same issue. I felt totally satiated and felt like I had it written on my face when I returned home the next day. My dad gave me a few very direct looks, though it could have been my imagination, perhaps he thought I looked happier. He did not like to see me hurt.

I knitted my sister a wool tweed sweater in the next few weeks. Shopped with mum and visited neighbours and relatives. Finally it was time to go back down to Sydney as I was booked to have sole charge of M’s friend for the Anzac Day long weekend. This child was very rude in his interactions with his usual nanny, a young University student. I had once told him off for treating her so appallingly, at the traffic lights in Double Bay of all places. I also had a word with her about not letting him disrespect her like that. He told his grandparents who told his parents and they praised me for it. Hence the sole charge undertaking that weekend. A and I got up early on the Sunday and went to the march in the city. I had not been to one since I was a child and was very moved by the older servicemen. We then returned to Double Bay where A’s grandmother let me go early which was fine with me. I phoned Lynne and we met in the city at Centrepoint Tavern. There were a lot of very young servicemen there after the march so we chatted with them and looked at the photos of their wives and girlfriends. Once we had been there several hours Lynne asked if I would like to go to her church in Kings Cross with her. She had asked me many times when I worked with her but I was not free and also I had been an Atheist since I was fifteen.

We made our way to the Anglican Church and I found it very friendly, unusual and at one stage felt as if the Vicar was talking directly to me. I was emotional already from the March, from missing Mark and still pining for G the doctor I had a short affair with. The Vicar was talking about healing, and how God wanted us to be well, to be healed. I did not go up for Holy Communion but I observed everything that went on, it was a very tender moment, with hymns being sung during the Eucharist.

Afterwards we had a very sociable coffee in the church hall and then we went back to Lynne’s for the night. The next day I went back to the farm and prepared to start short term work again with Dial An Angel. I was offered a post with a single father with three boys who attended Cranbrook School. The agency thought it a bit odd though so suggested I take the other option, nanny to a six month old baby boy. His parents were journalists and I would have sole charge with weekends off. This was in Balmain, a totally different, much more bohemian area from where I usually worked.

I arrived and met the gorgeous little boy, and his mum and settled into the gorgeous little stone cabin nestled in a big garden. I had a kind of unofficial grannie flat at the back of the garden. The father was away in Beirut, covering the war for his current affairs programme on television. Once the mum went back to work I settled the baby very quickly into a routine. We had a great time at playgroups and going to the parks. The only real issue I had with the mum was that she was a lot like my old flatmate Judy. She expected the home to be self cleaning. She left paper clips and safety pins all over the floor. I was trying to train her In safety for when the baby started crawling.

I started attending the church Lynne took me to on Sunday evenings, I needed to understand what I had experienced there, see if it was a one off. The parishioners were very friendly and welcoming and easy going. I got to know the aged English Vicar and his lovely wife who I became firm friends with.

Each day the baby and I passed a lot of friendly neighbours who got to know us, invited us in for morning tea. It was a very friendly community. One chap always used to lean over his fence to say hi and ask how the baby was. After a few months I agreed to meet him in the local pub for a drink. No plans for anything but one drink at the pub. My memories of that night are fragmented, and what I remembered was so totally out of character for me that I never told anyone about it.

I remember him ramming his penis down my throat. And I did not do oral sex. I remember it being in his house, or I assumed it was his house. Later I remember him on top of me on the rug, in front of the open front door, fucking me senseless. He asked me if I knew the door was open and what if any of his friends saw us? I said tell them to come in, the more the merrier. He laughed and continued to pound away inside me. I had zero inhibitions, which was not me at all.

I have no idea how I got home, it was only a five minute walk but I have no memory of it. The next day I was unable to get out of bed, luckily it was a Saturday. I could not move my head. I had never ever had a headache like it, I thought I was going to die. I managed to get into the kitchen to get some milk to take some painkillers and I crawled back to bed. Later on I had a shower as I felt filthy and my private areas hurt a lot. I took more painkillers and went back to bed until the next morning. I still could not move my head but was having awful flashes of being used mercilessly. It was not what usually happened, I chose the men I wanted to sleep with, it was mutual satisfaction not degradation. I felt degraded because I would never act in a wanton way like that.

By Monday I was able to look after the baby if I kept to the house. I was very uneasy about walking up the back streets where this man lived. I went to the playgroups instead and took the baby on long walks. I felt so uncomfortable about the security of my cabin as it did not have a lock on the door that I asked if I could move in with Lynne and her housemate. The parents were not happy about it. So I contacted Dial An Angel and explained how unsafe my accomodations were and they immediately suggested I leave and take another position. The single dad in Rose Bay one was still open so I caught a taxi over there.

The job was a very easy one and very civilised. We all had breakfast together and then the dad drove them to school. I tidied up the boys rooms and sewed or read or knitted during the day. I cooked a meal each night for the boys and then the father asked me to join him for dinner later. We had a glass of sherry before dinner, talked about news of the day. I had weekends off so continued to attend the church and even babysat so the mother’s group could have a break from their toddlers.

I was unsure what I believed in. I had definitely had some kind of enlightening moment, to me it was if my unbelief in God was expunged, and I believed again. But in what form of God I truly did not know. However as time went on I became more attracted to the teachings of Jesus and eventually I started helping with Sunday School. Lynne continued to continue her wild ways and was always the rebel, especially at church whereas it was so civilised that I fit into the whole scene very easily.

The work position became complicated when neighbours etc were overheard saying that good on my boss for having his mistress look after his kids. I told him and he thought it was funny. I took the boys up to the farm several times and he was very grateful. He also went away on business a lot, he was incredibly wealthy. There was one incident that really shocked me and that was when the oldest boy mocked the Eucharist. He threw some bread down the kitchen disposal unit and said that is what he thought of the Eucharist and laughed. His father was very annoyed and made him apologise, as a Jew to a Christian.

Towards the end of the year I was offered a room in a church owned house and I decided to finish live in nannying and look for live out nannying or for carer type work. I was picked up and moved into the house by a young chap who had a big crush on me. His whole family were religious and he had done some training overseas with YWAM.

I started doing dressmaking and nannying work and then a medical specialist at church asked if I could look after her elderly dad three days a week. It was wonderful working with an Alzheimer’s patient. I knew absolutely nothing about what to do but instinctively kept him busy cooking and gardening in the morning. Watching talk shows on television and discussing the questions raised with him. After a rest in the early afternoon we would go down to Double Bay for a coffee and a walk. It was rewarding and also fun.

Christmas came and my sister who was supposed to pick me up did not turn up so I was invited to the Curate’s home for Christmas Dinner. I was already a regular there as I babysat the two gorgeous boys so their mum could get out. She was a Social Worker and also counselled parishioners and I loved and respected her so much.

Then on Boxing Day the Vicar asked me around for lunch. There were a lot of people my age including a very quiet English chap who had joined the church a month or so before. The Vicar took the men off to watch the start of the Sydney to Hobart race and us ladies stayed and chatted. I was very fond of the Vicar’s wife, we got on very well and we had some deep talks over washing up!

Over the next weeks this chap and my path crossed a lot. He was very quiet but a prolific prayer person. Very fervent in his attitude to prayer in the church whereas I was embarrassed by any displays of emotion or by any overt Bible bashing. We became friends through church and other get togethers and then one day my friend K who had started coming to stay with me at weekends rang me to tell me he had been in a bad car accident.

He had been jogging with a friend and hit by a car on a crossing and thrown across several lanes of traffic. His back was fractured as was his upper arm. I often visited aged care facilities and sick people in hospital so I popped in to see him. I would take whatever knitting project I was working on at the time and keep him company for a while. Once he was out and starting to recover I was surprised to find Black Magik Chocolates and a dozen red roses were left for me at my flat.

We started to go everywhere together though I was a bit baffled by his timidity at taking the relationship any further, especially as we spent a few hours together each day. Then he had to return to the UK as his work visa expired. We had been to The Blue Mountains for the day and then on to a meeting that night when we went for a meal and he asked me if there was any way I would consider going to the UK to work and live. And a lot of other stuff about hoping I felt the same way about him as he did me. He returned to the UK and about a month later I flew over, after a huge row with my father who insisted he migrate over here instead of me going over there.

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Kate

I am Kate. Am 62 years old and have lived a very full life. Lately it has been a quiet life. A small life but a rewarding one. I have two blogs. One is up until 2013 when my life imploded The other one is my life now, and the very many changes and discoveries I have made in the past five years

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